Happy Monday all ya’ll beautiful people!
I hope you’ve had a wonderful week and weekend! Today is the final part of my answer to my friend who asked,
“Hey! So, my husband and I are contemplating a move/change of occupation that may put him on a schedule where he has to be far away from us weekly. Can I ask what your experience has been like? The awesomeness and the ugly.” – friend
Friends know I’m open and honest about my experiences and give no nonsense… okay usually… harsh answers but sometimes, that’s what you need.
Like me saying in no uncertain terms that it can SUCK to have a spouse that travels for work, especially if you have kids. It’s a ton of work, places strain on your marriage, your relationship with your kids, and with others.
BUT I always follow up with some helpful hints, strategies, words of encouragement based in real life for you to take with you. For this particular topic, I have four areas things that I do that helps alleviate the stress of doing it all yourself:
I’ve gone over; scheduling and setting alarms for everything, learning to say, ‘NO’ and being okay with that, and talk – bargain/negotiating – living by the deal. Today it’s time for my harshest lesson, It Is What It Is, ahh….kind of my favorite.
More often than not, having a spouse that travels for work, is in the military (Thank you for your service), or if you’re a single parent, having to do it all, not a decision; it is what it is you just have to make it work. But don’t worry! There’s always a solution or a path to a solution to whatever life throws at you. And if that fails just say to yourself…
There’s a certain peace I feel knowing I just need to figure it out and do it. With my ADD I’ve been making it work before Tim Gunn, it was literally my mantra before I was diagnosed, after developing success skills, and still to this day.
As part of It is what IT is, you have to get over dates. I think my husband has been with me on my birthday three times in fifteen years of marriage. I don’t believe he’s ever been around on a Mother’s Day, Easter, or Father’s Day. Does it suck? Not really, who cares about a date? A Mother’s Day breakfast in bed a week later on a Monday means as much, if not more than the day of. Besides, it is what it is! Are you going to complain when it’s out of your control, possibly, and that’s allowed, but dwelling and holding it over your significant other’s head, kind of a douche move, just saying.
So, you know, don’t be a douche. Do what you can in advance to make it a little easier on yourself. Don’t take on more than you can realistically handle. Talk and work it out you’re your significant other. But in the back of your mind remember, it is what it is, it’s up to you to make things better. Up to you to find solutions and make it work. Will it always be sunshine and daisies? Hell no! There will be days completely out of your control. They will suck. You will cry in frustration. You will think I can’t do this but you can. Have your moment then brush yourself off, say I’m okay and get shit done. You’ve got this!
Good Luck!
If you have a question, you’d like my unfiltered sometime harsh answer to drop me a quick note! It doesn’t even need to be serious. It could be I’ve got ten minutes to make a drool worthy-in-your-face-Stepford-moms-class treat. Anything goes!
~emmy
